I feel so empty right now.
Today was my mom 4th visit to IJN after her last operation last year.
And as I thought the last 3 visit everything seem getting better and she is getting healthier, today was the day I felt like, Ya Allah, I dont want to lose her.
Everything is back to square one.
Her heart weaken, her lung is just minus one point to critical point, and this time, she look so healthy to be that sick, unlike last year. It much more worrying, u just dont know when it will happen.
I fought with her a lot which so many times i regretted it. Theres a lot of no than yes mom. So many disagreement between us. As she grow older I realize she has so much time worrying bout me amd my sister more than before. There always be time when I feel so stressful to take care of her, everything for her is wrong, and then when I tried to calm down, I realize, that she is trying to show me the way, to teach me how to do things right, every moment of her nagging is just a minute spare for her to talk with us, to convey her concern. And that scares me more.
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